Thursday, April 7, 2011

My 23 Air Travel Commandments - Updated

(Having traveled quite a bit over the past several months, I've encountered several of my commandments and added a few.....)You may have seen a USA Today newspaper article or two in the past couple of weeks about air travel, ettiquette, seating arrangements, rude passengers etc.

With that as my inspiration, I've compiled the following.

You may disagree with some of my commandments, I respectfully accept your point of view, however here goes

1)         Thou shall take my flatulence medication prior to my flight
2)         Thou shall not smoke an entire pack of cigarettes within 10 minutes of my flight
3)         Thou shall not, if seated in a middle or window seat, drink 10 gallons of water, tea, soda or any beverage before or during the flight; if so thou shall wear an adult diaper.
4)         Thou shall not travel with a child younger than 2 years of age
5)         Thou shall not recline my seat; 2 inches does nothing; if it is necessary, I will ask the passenger behind me, prior to doing so.
6)         Thou shall not shower, bathe, brush or deodorize with moth balls prior to my flight
7)         Thou shall shower or bathe at least once within 18 hours of my flight
8)         Thou shall not congregate with my 30 friends in front of the gate preventing others from boarding
9)         Thou shall not bring fast food or any food on board unless it’s enough to share with others
10)       Thou shall not pull on the seat back in front of me to help extricate myself out of my seat
11)       Thou shall not bother those that are reading a book or magazine or wearing noise reduction headphones
12)       Thou shall, when traveling with a companion, book the seats together, thus preventing the need to ask others to move to accommodate my poor planning
13)       Thou shall insure my carryon bag is light enough to lift in the overhead compartment preventing a “drop” on the passenger below.
14)       Thou shall find my seat quickly and not chit chat with others preventing a traffic jam in the aisle and find their seat and the plane leaves as soon as possible
15)       Thou shall insure deodorant is working as the need to reach up and turn on a reading light or air happens frequently
16)       Thou shall not spill a bottle of cologne all over me prior to my flight
17)       Thou shall not eat a bran muffin or drink prune juice before or during the flight
18)       Thou shall not play elbow wrestling over the arm rest between seats; first come first serve basis. Thou shall sit down and get dibs.
19)       Thou shall know my ABC’s and numbers and find and sit in, the correct seat.
20)       Thou shall, if lucky enough to be upgraded to 1st Class, pass a drink or two back to my less fortunate travel companions.
21)       Thou shall, during a turbulent flight, make every effort possible not to spill my beverage


22) Thou shall not kick the seat in front of me 63 times during flight
23) Thou shall not laugh hysterically while watching a movie, thus shredding the silence of others sweet slumber.

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